


All the secrets you carried

by hohohood



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: at least, basically sasha's thoughts on the premiere, from my own thoughts, mentions of eugene & rosita
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 13:25:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8403367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hohohood/pseuds/hohohood
Summary: Set during 7x01. Inside Sasha's head before, during and after Negan picks his victim.





	

Knelt there, waiting. That was torture in itself. Just waiting to see who he would pick. Who he would decide deserved to die the most. That was the funny part, though. That one of them had to die to prove that he was a tough guy they had to be scared of. Even if he didn’t kill one of them, they’d all be pretty damn scarred from the experience so far. It was terrifying, the bat pointed in her face, she could barely glance to see the other’s reactions, was too afraid. The only time she dared look was towards the closing of the rhyme. Relief washed over her at the realisation that it wasn’t her. That she could live. She might live. It was short lived. 

The tears already filled her eyes as she caught sight of the bat in Abraham’s face, her throat closing up. They knew what this meant. She knew what this meant. That the man she had come to grow close to and develop feelings for, somebody she could see herself with, was going to die. And not nicely, like Bob and Tyreese had. God, that’s what she qualified as nice. A bite from a walker and a limb cut off. And compared to this, it was. It was the nicest way to die. Compared to what was about to happen. What she’d have to witness. She could look away, sure, but she’d still hear it, feel it. Seeing it made it real and it made it, somehow, easier to deal with later on. She knew that now. She regretted not being the one to end Bob’s life properly. She hated that she wasn’t there to help Tyreese on his path. So, now, with a choice, she made her decision. 

She watched as Negan smacked the bat down onto his head the first time, a choked sob escaping her mouth as he powered through it. Gave his last words, like only he could. If it were any other situation, maybe she’d have laughed. But the sight of the blood drew her back, kept her there. It refused to let her go, she had to focus on the here and now of it all. This was happening and there was nothing that anybody, not a goddamn single one of them, could do. She closed her eyes to it as he fell, she knew it was happening, knew it was more or less over. But this wasn’t a pleasant man. It was already proven at this point, but god, as she kept hearing the bat smacking down, down, down. Her heart beat almost painfully against her chest, she could hear the blood rushing in her ears. Her face was wet from the tears. Her throat hurt from the screams she forced down. And when she opened her eyes again, he laid there. Gone. It was real. It was so, so real. She’d lost somebody else. Another person so painfully close to her. It made it seem wrong. Like she was the one at fault. People loved her and then they died and it didn’t seem right at all. 

She caught Rosita’s reaction, how broken and lost she looked and it killed her. They both loved him. She imagined Rosita was going through the same thing she was, probably triple the pain, the heartache. It pained her to see that. And then he was waving the bat in her face and her stomach turned. It was covered with his blood and he was waving it in her face. She was frozen, nobody could do anything. The smell of blood filled the air, it was stronger than she remembered. That was saying something, really. All she could focus on was the look on Rosita’s face and his body there. And Eugene. God, Eugene crying the other side of her was equally as painful. Everybody was ruined over this, but it was pretty safe to say that it was going to look a long time for the three of them to recover from this experience. Abraham was a man they all admired and had respect for, even when he was being a dick. He was a good man and a part of Sasha, the part that still loved Bob, was always going to love him. She’d never forget how he made her feel and how he helped her through a rough time. A time even she wasn’t sure she’d come back from. But she did. And she had Abraham to help her. She was strong. She always had been strong. She still was. She still would continue to be. She needed to be strong. Eugene needed that. Rosita needed that. Everybody needed that. But, most of all, she needed that.

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanna like ??? I love Sasha, she is my wife and I want her to be happy more than anything, I had A LOT of feelings about this premiere and I needed to get them out. I'm possibly going to write something from Rosita and Maggie's POV's. I'm still deliberating. Anyway, I didn't want to rewatch it lmao, I'm still scarred, so some of these bits may be wrong, but from my memory, this is as good as I can give it. Of course, I don't know exactly what would've/might've been going through her mind, but in mine, it was this. A lot of heartache and blame.


End file.
